Misery on the Right As They Contemplate Mitt Romney Nose Plugs

Feb 22 2012 Published by under Featured News, Issues, Republican Party

2012 Republican Voters' Aid Nose Plugs

I remember the feeling well; no candidate to like, but a sitting President who needed to go. Misery.

Matt Labash at The Daily Caller, in a fit of sarcastic rage brought on by the No Good Choice Syndrome, is urging his readers to buy “Morning Sickness Soothers Aromatherapy Nasal Clips for Nausea Relief” in order to vote for Mitt.

Happily, I am not in that position this year. And while Matt describes Democrats voting for Obama with one hand (because the other is busy – bring sanitzers, he warns), his jealousy is evident. Maybe there are Obama voters who are so darn excited that they just might –

Heck, have you seen President Obama? Oh, I kid. It’s just that I remember well their “hottest governor from the coldest state” false pride and we’ve all seen Obama in the Hawaiian water, sporting his incredibly youthful body but whatever… It’s not as if looks matter, right?

Pitting Obama against Newt is totally fair to Newt because tons of women love pasty cheaters. ‘Course the election is about so much more than appearances, but this truth is only evident on the left where the brainiac nerds insist that ideas matter. Sigh. What next, science?

I know the Right is terribly upset and they meant the bit about Obama voters ejaculating in the voting booth as a dig, just as it was meant as an insult that Obama was a “rock star” in 2008 until they got their own faux “rock star” in Sarah Palin. How fleeting the music…..

But we can see right through their Cellophane Bitterness; they’re miserable and there’s nothing misery loves more than company. I’m hearing the Republican 2012 anthem. Frustrated incorporated, indeed.

They wish they had someone capable of stirring one ounce of the support Obama gets. Heck, they’re considering running a failed Speaker of the House who was run out on ethics charges and cheated on two of his wives – and he is their “real conservative”. You can imagine the desperation. Must get rid of socialist marxist fascist muslin! If they can’t have looks they’re gonna double down on smarm and hope people think of George Romney instead of his son. The job killer is surely the only one who can beat Obama.

Yes, even if they have to get nose plugs so as they can cast their all important vote for one Mitt Romney, they must, because nothing says conservative like….. mandated healthcare, cheering the killing of American businesses and animal abuse.

They are further warned that if they’re gonna go Santorum they best pick up some condoms for safe deposit of their sperm. Perhaps it’s not just liberals who are frightened by Santorum’s obsession with controlling Americans’ sex lives. Cough. Or maybe Matt Googled Rick and doesn’t want to be a laughing stock all year.

Touch choices.

Gosh, they sound unhappy. But if the author of the Daily Caller piece is miserable, that is nothing compared to the commenters, whose sense of humor we must applaud under the circumstances (not sure the left would be as sweetly compliant):


Bumper sticker available for sale from the RNC this summer:



Or this one, spotted in the Castro: SANTORUM! SPREAD IT!!!


Reply Back:


Ah, yes. We could have done worse.

Really? Who could be worse than Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich? Oh, right.

Sarah Palin. The Right is right; it could have been worse.


It’s only gonna last until the Republican Primaries are over and then you’ll be inundated with those smug right wing paid trolls who often work on the taxpayer dime (illegally, see Wisconsin, Alaska, etc). You’ll know them by their “I’m not a Republican but” opener, followed by a Fox inspired listing the virtues of the Republican candidate and closing with “I can’t vote for Obama again.”

Uh-huh. But they need nose plugs or a condom to vote for their guy. That’s the part they’re gonna leave out come general election season.

But you can always remind them….because sometimes you just have to wallow down with the gloaters so that they can understand you. Speak and write slowly and also: Obama got Osama, helped auto companies make Republicans miserable by being successful American comeback story, restored our international reputation, got the pirates, ended Iraq war, stood up for middle class when no one else would, protected the rights of women and a whole heck of a lot more.

I’m not saying we should….but remember the purple Band-aids? How ’bout some furry Romney nose plugs.

Lyrics: Soul Asylum, Misery

Comments are off for this post