Republicans Poised To Elevate Anybody But Mitt In Missouri And Minnesota

Feb 07 2012 Published by under Featured News

How time flies as the Republicans gift us with two more caucuses and a non-binding primary. The Missouri primary features presidential candidates from the two major parties and two minor ones. The votes count for the Democrats and the two little guys, but not for the Republicans. The Republican Party decided on a March 7th caucus instead. Colorado and Minnesota get in on the caucus action.

Michele Bachman, Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Jon Huntsman will be on the Missouri republican primary ballot, though they’re no longer presidential candidates. Newt Gingrich will not be on the ballot though he still is a presidential candidate. And this party wants to run the country?

Pundits have predicted a comeback for flaming heterosexual, Rick Santorum after his itty-bitty 10% blip in Nevada. After that licking, Santorum did what any self-respecting flaming heterosexual would do. He fled to the arms of Fox News Sunday where he tried to make chocolate truffles out of his Nevada cow-chip performance. Santorum told host Chris Wallace, “I think we’re going to do very well here in Minnesota. I think we’re going to do very well in Colorado,” He upped the ante in predicting that he would do extremely well in the state of Missouri. He’s probably right. He’s the only Republican candidate to campaign in Missouri and should put up fairly big meaningless numbers in the show me state. And while they’re not official, he could pick up some big mo from his showing. Minnesota will probably also make some noise for Santorum so republicans might have a daily double and a revived campaign on their hands.

Not to be outdone, another big Nevada loser, Newt Gingrich showed up on Sean Hannity’s show. Sounding like the political court jester that he is, Gingrich played to Republican royalty in saying this of our president, “…I think you have a pro-Islamist faction (read Obama) in the administration that is on every front trying to appease people who are our enemies.”

I’m naming Newt’s chances for the nomination after a TV show – “The Biggest Loser”.

Just like the two-headed giraffe and the bearded lady, the sideshow that is Ron Paul draws massive crowds. Some 1,800 Paul supporters, college kids and curiosity seekers were crammed into the Minneapolis Convention Center to hear what appeared to be the only speech Paul ever gives, as he repeated pretty much line-for-line and word-for-word, the same tired platitudes that have been rolling off his tongue since Iowa. Another 900 appeared at a campaign event in St. Cloud.

Paul can certainly stir up excitement but has yet to command more than 23% of the vote in earlier contests and has been as low as 7%. Butts in the seats don’t necessarily translate to votes.

It’ll be a mixed bag for Mitt Romney who has suddenly caught the eye of the Tea Party after feeling the sting of rejection in most previous states. Call them the Casanova Tea Party for their striking parallels to Giacomo Casanova, the fickle Venetian who effortlessly laid one fair maiden after another about the same time the likes of Washington, Madison and Jefferson were laying the groundwork for this great country of ours.

Like Casanova, the Republican Presidential primary can’t seem to make up its mind. I’ve made up mine for this go-around; the flaming heterosexual, followed by the tax evader. Battling it out for irrelevance will be the charismatic non-entity and yet another Casanova.

I wouldn’t get too worked up if I supported Santorum. Remember Jesse won five caucuses and primaries in ’84.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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