Well-Armed “Kemosabe” Steven Seagal To Protect Mexican Border

Oct 17 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

Hudspeth County Sheriff Arvin West and Deputy Steven Seagal

Republicans hate Hollywood – and Hollywood stars – unless the star in question likes their politics. When they find somebody like Steven Segal, they are all about sloppy seconds. And some of these stars, finding that fame has passed them by, are as well.

Apparently because nobody is watching his movies anymore, and because his A&E reality series “Steven Seagal: Lawman” has been canceled as a result of an alleged very family values-oriented penchant for female sex toys, Seagal has decided to work as a deputy guarding the U.S. – Mexican border. He will likely be seen by more people there than in his recent film work. He will likely find as few fans as he has in theaters recently.

He may even find real bullets flying his way. No doubt his stern and disapproving expression will repel all dangers.

Seagal will be working as a deputy in Hudspeth County, Texas after being sworn in this week as a deputy. The San Antonio Express quips that “Border bandits in far West Texas may want to brush up on their martial arts and film presence now that action film star Steven Seagal is coming to town.”

Sounds like a headline from an Old West newspaper, talking about Bat Masterson or Wyatt Earp.

Instad of making movies, Seagan will be responsible for 98 miles of border with Mexico encompassing some 5,500 square miles.

This is not Seagal’s first stint as an officer of the law. There was his TV series of course, and then in late in 2010 he joined Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Freikorps, along with Peter Lupus of TV’s Mission Impossible and TV’s Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno – and some 3,000 unknowns.

In January of this year Keith Olbermann had his “Worst Persons” way with “former movie star” Steven Seagal when “publicity whore” Joe Arpaio filmed a bit about Seagal’s reality TV show and drove over a man’s animals, crushing them under a tank –  an incident which lead to a lawsuit against Seagal.

According to the San Antonio Express, “Seagal called the department himself about two months ago asking for the job.” Sheriff Arvin West said of Seagal:

“It became very clear to me that Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or the publicity. He’s like the rest of us that live down here; he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help.”

Apparently, there is some chance that the county might get some reality TV time out of the deal, while Seagal stands to get about $15/hour if he actually accepts pay. A spokesman for the sheriff’s office says,

“The television aspect of what we’re doing here is the last priority. The man has a pure motive in doing this. He knows what we’re up against and wants to help.”

Seagal starts his new job next year and the Express reports his new title will be “deputy chief to the chief deputy”. He will be one of 17 deputies but perhaps the only accused  rapist.

Female immigrants might prefer somebody else frisk them when Seagal catches up with them, to judge from the allegations against him last year. One thing is certain: Seagal looks more than pleased with his new toys. The scary part for the public – and for immigrants – is that they shoot real bullets.

Photo: Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Department / SA

8 responses so far