Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Sarah Palin Is Not Running In 2012

Oct 05 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

It’s over. The Drop Dead Date for Sarah Palin has come and gone and she is, actually, finally going to serve her country and God by not running. She finally got around to quitting us.

The irony is that Sarah Palin’s “I’m not running” announcement is the first time she got an announcement “right” in terms of tone. In the three years since John McCain first unleashed her upon a startled and curious nation, she has gone from hockey mom pit bull to Blood Libel con artist. The more the nation got to know Sarah Palin, the less they liked her. At first they thought she was just daffy, but then they realized she was an angry, unstable person capable of feeling sorry for herself on the day of the Arizona massacre memorial; with familiarity came contempt.

Palin’s press announcements over the years went from blaming President Obama for her own failures to blaming bloggers for ethics charges to blaming the press for asking her what she read or saw that day, and they were all too often accompanied by pleas for money from SarahPAC to help her fight the evil President, the evil liberal media, the evil people in other America, the evil everyone – until finally she was warring with her own party and with her own party’s public relations firm, Fox News.

But finally, on the day she quits us for good, she actually takes responsibility for her choice.

Who put this statement out and where exactly is Sarah Palin right now? Does Karl Rove have Palin locked up somewhere for the good of the party? Oh, I kid. We heard Sarah on the radio confirming this, so no, Palinbots can’t blame Karl or the President.

From Palin’s letter to her supporters (All 6 of them):

After much prayer and serious consideration, I have decided that I will not be seeking the 2012 GOP nomination for President of the United States. As always, my family comes first and obviously Todd and I put great consideration into family life before making this decision. When we serve, we devote ourselves to God, family and country. My decision maintains this order.

My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year. I believe that at this time I can be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office – from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency. We need to continue to actively and aggressively help those who will stop the “fundamental transformation” of our nation and instead seek the restoration of our greatness, our goodness and our constitutional republic based on the rule of law. (Seeing the GOP nearly destroy the global economy must have been a real Mission Accomplished moment for Sarah).

In the coming weeks I will help coordinate strategies to assist in replacing the President, re-taking the Senate, and maintaining the House. (You can almost hear the shrieks of keep her out of my district from Republican House incumbents as we speak).

Sarah Palin thinks she’s going to be some sort of master strategist for the GOP, but this is the same person whose interference gave the Republican Party Cristine O’Donnell and Joe Miller. Be afraid, Republicans, be very afraid.

Palin made it obvious that she wasn’t running months ago. She was never courted like Chris Christie and any “will she or won’t she” speculation died as soon as she mangled the story of Paul Revere’s ride, but for the sake of her future earnings potential, Sarah Palin had to at least pretend that she was going to do something besides sit around the house eating Taco Bell in between making the occasional Fox News appearance, and eventually endorsing the GOP nominee.

Maybe now the media will give us all a break and stop groveling after Sarah Palin.

Naturally, her fan club who just yesterday were teasing themselves silly with the idea that Sarah Palin would run for both President and Vice President, or maybe another Palin (Bristol? We shudder) would be her VP, are silent today.

We all knew this day was coming, and we urge you to stay out of Walmarts the country wide until the pain passes. Jim Jones’ cult were just shoved out into the cruel, real world just days after being begged for money to help Sarah “decide.” Some of them were eating Spam in order to donate to Palin. This could get ugly.

After a long self inflicted illness, Sarah Palin’s political career has been pronounced dead.

Sarah Palin: 2008-2011. It’s all reality TV and HSN from here on out. We knew you too well, goodbye.

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