Dear God, Please End Your Presidential Endorsements

Jul 24 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

Now that Rick Perry is positioning himself as the next Great American Messiah, it’s hard not to find one’s nerves wearing thin at the number of candidates that God apparently sees fit to endorse, and even more, with their sheer gumption and embarrassing lack of qualification.

Rick, of course, is a delightful case of crackpot and self-aggrandizing delusional quasi-prophet turned politician, but he is hardly alone in being quite so ridiculous. In fact, it seems that God has called most of the Republican field to run; He just can’t seem to make up his mind as to which entrant He finds to be the most tempting. Perhaps we should make them wear apple costumes. The Almighty seems to be fishing towards the lower sections of the barrel when He dredges up the candidates that He wants to run. And you have to ask why, after all, for someone who is omnipotent, could He not pick anyone?

It’s not that much of a surprise that Barack Obama, an ex-drug using Ivory Tower type and formerly non-religious radical is not high on God’s list, even if he might be top of the candidate roster drafted by the less religious factions of the United States. God doesn’t want candidates that are big on that learning bent, but loves candidates that know how to pray!

Let’s just run through the list, shall we? Michele Bachmann is feeling God’s call to run. Rick Santorum and his wife have decided that God wants them in this the race. Tim Pawlenty’s star campaign recruit feels that God not only wants him to help elect the next president, but that that person should be Tim Pawlenty. Herman Cain thinks that God wants him in the milieu as well.

And of course, Palin has spoken in the past about God’s plans for her life. God’s list of endorsements is roughly a Tea Party revival, if it was held in a big tent environment and narrated by an appropriately excoriating sermon. Perhaps Glenn Beck could MC the entire do.

And oh yes, Mitt Romney, the Mormon’s chosen candidate. If you want to know about who thinks that he is called to the race, just track donations from individuals who have only donated to two political things in their life: Mitt’s last Presidential campaign, and the Proposition 8 effort. Then look at their religious affiliation. Then wonder if in fact it is more than coincidence. If you are feeling a bit sloth, ask Fred Karger and he’ll tell you all you need to know.

It’s almost a bit sad, to see God’s own chosen crew as they really are: Religious ideologues forcing their views into the political process, all the while claiming that their version of Christianity is the One Truth About America, a take on history that our glorious and only partially religious Founding Fathers would have abhorred.

With that truth in mind, you have to wonder, since God’s candidates all seem to want to reform American into something that is decidedly unlike the foundation that the signers of the Constitution laid, is God anti-American? If so, hold the phone Tea Party candidates, you might want to rethink your views on flag burning.

Until then I call on all Americans to not vote for anyone who claims that God is calling them to do anything. Either they are delusional, or they are lying for political gain. Whatever the case, we should want nothing to do them.

42 responses so far