Stephen Colbert Proposes Shock Collar if Bachmann Breaks Marriage Vow

Jul 13 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

Stephen Colbert took on Michele Bachmann on Comedy Central yesterday for her signing of the FAMILY LEADER pledge. As Colbert points out, the “African Americans were better off as slaves” preamble has been taken out, but Bachmann (and Rick Santorum) signed the pledge while the wording was in place, thus signifying that they agreed with it:

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”Colbert: “Under slavery, not only did black kids have a father and a mother but a lot of times they had another biological father who also owned them. That’s being invested in your kids’ lives.”

Colbert refers to Bachmann’s “sensitivity” to the issue of slavery, saying that for her, taxation is economic slavery and

“Michele Bachmann stands up against slavery in all forms whether it’s the slavery of health care, the slavery of the national debt, or the slavery of the loins.”

Bachamnn says the gay life style is “personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement.”

Colbert quipped: “Yes, personal enslavement, or personal domination depending upon what role you’re playing that night.” He suggests that, “The important thing is to have a safe word; perhaps ‘Bachmann.’”

To Bachmann, Colbert says, “everything is slavery. Don’t walk signs, that’s ambulatory slavery; Fat-free cheese? That’s flavor slavery! Or flavery!”

Colbert asks, “With all the pledges out there how can candidates keep track of everything they’re supposed to be honoring?” His solution is the “Stephen Colbert pledge shock color” using the same sound recognition technology “used to train dogs to stop barking.” You strap it on the candidate and if the candidate forgets the pledges he or she gets zapped.

As Sarah Jones wrote here on July 10 of this odious preamble,

We recall that African American slaves were often not allowed to marry as they couldn’t enter contracts. Their families were split apart at the whim of their owner. The women were often raped by their white master. They did not have a “household”, they had a rickety shack as far away from the manor as possible.

Enjoyable as the image is of Bachmann in the “pledge shock collar,” a shock collar seems the most generous punishment for someone as reprehensible and careless of facts as Michele Bachmann.



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