Democracy Gone Wild Starring Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann

Jun 12 2011 Published by under Uncategorized


The Republican Presidential race to unseat Barack Obama has produced a lineup more worthy of an episode of Law & Order than one of the most cherished traditions in democracy. Republicans  may be forced to choose from a pizza guy, a serial adulterer who claims to have cheated out of ”patriotism,” a total cipher and Ex-governor of Minnesota, a flip-flopping Mormon/Macy’s mannequin and, of course, Ron Paul. Meanwhile, two of the most unqualified, shrieking loonies in make-up are contenders, even though they lack the  necessary credentials to be president of the PTA. But that certainly hasn’t stopped respectable party operatives from dismissing their chances.

One-time Democratic presidential contender and former DNC chairman Howard Dean gave  Americans a collective nightmare when he said that anything is possible, and that she could beat president Obama in a general election if the economy remains sour.

 “I think she could win,” Dean told The Hill political newspaper. “She wouldn’t be my first choice if I were a Republican, but I think she could win.”

Is the economy that bad? Wouldn’t Americans resort to eating their own children for sustenance before electing Sarah Palin??

“Any time you have a contest — particularly when unemployment is as high as it is — nobody gets a walkover,” Dean said. “Whoever the Republicans nominate, including people like Sarah Palin, whom the inside-the-Beltway crowd dismisses — my view is if you get the nomination of a major party, you can win the presidency, I don’t care what people write about you inside the Beltway,” Dean said.

I guess that means Civics and American History drop-out Michele Bachmann also stands a chance to get ahead in an dour economy. And she is going to make sure that it is her massive ego that should have the opportunity to embarrass America on the world stage, not Sarah Palin’s.

It was just a year ago when Palin and Bachmann stood together on a stage (as if their enormous heads can fit) in Minneapolis exhorting their “tea party” followers and feigning oversimplified, folksy catchphrases. But that amicable relationship and mutual partnership went up in flames last week when Bachmann’s new strategist, Ed Rollins, launched  a biting critique of Palin, describing her as “not serious,” and what was once a natural alliance has turned into a potential rivalry.

This moron fest turned moron cat-fight was seemingly inevitable, as Bachmann and Palin both appeal to the same salt-of-the-earth voters and are strikingly similar in style and tea party orthodoxy. All of which is done at the peril of more serious-minded and intelligent candidates like Mitt Romney. Worse yet, at the peril of democracy itself. 

Michele Bachmann has yet to officially announce her presidential campaign, but plans to do so any day. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin decided she wasn’t going to let Mitt Romney steal any of her press. So she showed up in New Hampshire on her “non-campaign” bus, mere miles from where Mitt Romney was officially announcing his second presidential bid, and did what she does best: butcher basic American history to a crowd of mindless zealots and then going on the offensive when her hilariously uninformed grasp of history is called into question.

Not to be outdone, Michele Bachmann has a penchant for butchering elementary history as well. Last March, she gave historians a coronary when she declared New Hampshire as the first site of the Revolutionary War (it was actually Massachusetts) and that the Founding Fathers “would not rest until slavery was no more”( they owned slaves and slaves were counted as 3/5ths of a person).

Both Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have exhibited a profound ignorance of history and, when their stunning ignorance is pointed out, turn on their critics viciously with ninja speed and play the victim. Knowing the abridged version of the Bible, though hardly relevant in a secular society, is what fervently religious (or at least in front of the cameras) types like Palin and Bachmann sometimes use to justify their terrible misunderstanding of the US Constitution. Worse yet, there doesn’t seem to be any price to be paid by them because their teabagger base either has the same level of education, or simply hates a thoughtful black man with an unusual background sitting in the Oval Office so much that they will eschew facts and reason.

But that’s just Crazytown, USA, right?

Pundits have issued dire warnings of President Obama losing reelection on the account of a stagnant economy. In fact, history (REAL history, not Palin and Bachmann history) has shown that no president since Franklin D. Roosevelt has been re-elected with unemployment above 7.2 per cent.

Okay, so maybe Bachmann has about as much chance of winning the presidency as Arnold Schwarzenegger getting a show on Lifetime. And lord knows Palin would never give up her lucrative contract with Roger Ailes at Fox News  and general media whoredom in order to do the extremely hard work of a president. After all, she couldn’t even handle governing the sparsely populated state of Alaska, which she quit after merely two years in office.  But with a field of presidential candidates that simply don’t wow the Fox News faithful, Bat sh*t Bachmann and  Sarah “Spongebrain SquareHair” Palin seem to have the greatest chance of at least winning the nomination and dragging democracy further into the dirt.

14 responses so far