Why We Laugh At Fox News and The GOP Clowns

Apr 01 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

If you wondered how Sarah Palin, Donald Trump or Michele Bachmann get through the day without noticing that they are indeed clowns of the highest order, here’s your answer. They are surrounded by other clowns who take them seriously. There are people who spend all day telling Sarah Palin that she is right up there intellectually with Barack Obama. These people work for Fox News.

Fox News has become so inbred with clowns that it is now a breeding ground for epistemic closure where Neil Cavuto tells his audience that the Fox Candidates are not clowns. Yes, the reason the media is laughing at them is because they are scared of them! Neil makes this case even though I suspect Neil can read a poll and knows that the Fox Clowns do not have a snowball’s chance in hell of being elected in a national campaign. I mean, just because the Fox audience is brainwashed enough to listen to Sarah Palin and not try to hurt someone doesn’t mean the rest of the country is. Indeed, the bad news for Neil is that there are still many people who managed to eek out an education before the Republicans killed off every possibility of this country’s exceptionalism and this means, we don’t buy the clown show.

“Cavuto Defends Fox Stars Trump, Palin, Bachmann, Santorum, Cain From Media Who Treat Them As ‘Clowns'”, from the March 31 edition of Fox News’ Your World with Neil Cavuto, courtesy of Media Matters:

After getting warmed up by making jokes about his fake hair, Neil says, “If you can’t beat ‘em, laugh at ‘em, and hope folks dismiss ‘em. It’s tired, it’s old, but I will say this, it’s consistent and I’m seeing it again in how the traditional media treat Republicans who might challenge Barack Obama. None are serious contenders, they’re all clowns. But if they’re clowns, why bother giving them so much air time?”

Then Neil goes through Fox’s list of candidates that we should all be taking seriously, “I mean, if Sarah Palin can’t be taken seriously, why do you cover her night after night? If one pretentious snob at another channel says Michele Bachmann looks like she’s hypnotized what is behind her hypnotic appeal on your not so appealing show? If Hermann Cain can’t ever get elected president, why do you keep covering everything he says as if he already was president? If Donald Trump is a flash in the pan, why do you keep flashing the same pan? And if Rick Santorum shouldn’t be running because you say he has no chance, why do you keep writing pieces on Rick Santorum saying he has no chance.”

Neil has an answer as to why the media keeps talking about Fox’s clowns, and you can guess that it’s not because they’re funny. Neil explains, “I’ll tell you why the media keeps doing this. It wants to make a collective joke out of them, dismiss them at the gate, so they don’t get much beyond the gate, that tells me the media is seriously worried that these possible candidates aren’t jokes, that they are, that the jokes on them, even if the ratings are not. Take it from me, I remember the time when the ratings were not when no one paid attention.”

Neil bases all of this on the assumption that these folks are not clowns. But the fact is, they are clowns. “We” are not making a “collective joke” out of them. They did that all on their own. It’s not our fault that the only policy Fox clowns understand is reading the email talking points about their President’s birth certificate and how Muslims are ruining the world. These are not serious issues; these are the issues of clowns, of court jesters, who are doing all they can to distract the circus goers from the rape and murder going on off stage.

Why are they given airtime? Well, believe me, we’d like to never listen to these folks but then, we don’t employ the entire GOP clown line up as pundits, so Neil would have to ask his boss that. And while he’s at it, maybe he can answer a few questions for us, like why does Fox News employ every single GOP possible candidate except the one who can’t win their primary?

It’s not our fault Fox doesn’t seem to be able to pull a decent candidate out of their bums, and so we all politely hold our noses while writing up their epic failures at the most basic tasks. It’s not our fault they push the fundy schools and then when they get out into the real world, people laugh at their indoctrinated ideas. They laugh because the clowns are wrong and they’re too misinformed to know it. But Neil knows.

Why doesn’t Neil tell them? Why does Fox keep letting the clowns out of the circus to play with the real world when you know they aren’t up to the task? Hey, Neil, Sarah Palin has a severe emotional disturbance and you all ran her for VP. I don’t find that funny, but since you all keep saying she’s a contender, all I can do is laugh to keep from crying. Whose fault is that?

The real question here is why does Fox keep pushing clowns and getting mad at everyone else when we laugh? Here’s a hint, boys. Try running someone who knows some American history, believes in science, knows what the Bush doctrine is, and doesn’t get an A for “can I call ya’ Joe” in her VP debate. Is it asking too much of you people for you to join us on the playing field instead of demanding handicaps because your game sucks?

Did it ever occur to you that you are running several people who are international embarrassments? People who have gone on foreign soil during war and criticized and demonized our president in public speeches? At every turn, your candidates and your “news” channel have tried to undermine our military strategy by fostering hatred of Muslims. They have endangered the safety of our loved ones fighting these wars and shamed this country with the stain of international bigotry and ignorance.

If you don’t want to be laughed at, try running conservatives who aren’t stealing money from the taxpayers with farm subsidies or tax incentives to push their political propaganda in the form of a reality TV show. Try running people who haven’t been found guilty of ethics violations. Try running people whose personal lives match up to their values. Try running people who have not quit their jobs as elected officials. Try running people who were not forced to step down from their jobs as elected officials. Try running people who don’t claim they cheated on their wives because they loved their country. Try running people who don’t demand the President’s birth certificate and then when they produce their own, find it has the same “flaws” as the birthers find in the President’s.

Y’all keep nattering on about the greatness of competition in the free market, but then you demand we give your corporations subsidies and tax breaks just like you demand we lower the bar for your candidates. Perhaps you don’t understand how absurd it all is, Neil, because by your own admission, you’ve been at Fox News since it started, and what does that say about your credibility?

And before you get all hurt and start defending your channel of clowns by claiming you have conservative opinions and that’s why we all laugh at you, let me assure you that we are not laughing at you because you are conservative.

We laugh because you are anything but conservative. We laugh because it’s our only defense against the ugly, absurd propaganda you push. We laugh because every single day you push hate based on inaccuracies and slap a bible over a flag and call it conservatism. We laugh because we know that you are not conservatives.

You don’t even know what you don’t know, so you can’t possibly get the joke. You got one thing right, though, Neil. We are scared. We are scared because you all are ruining this country with your Hate of the Day toilet paper memes; the gays, the femi-nazis, the Muslims, the liberals – is there anyone you don’t hate? You run edited, distorted, inaccurate video to destroy good institutions and people. You tell your viewers that this country was built on the bible, when the constitution is very clear that this is not the case; in fact, it is the opposite and you’d know that if you were allowed to read world history instead of the marshmallow, flag-striped propaganda pushed by corporatist whores who don’t give one fig about the real message of Prince of Peace.

You want us to take you seriously? Try being worthy of it. Run Ron Paul. Run Mitt Romney. Run someone who isn’t a complete and utter puppet. Run someone who can discuss issues without using hate to distract the people from the issues. Try discussing something real instead of how the mainstream media hates you. Try being real conservatives for a change. Maybe then people won’t laugh at your clown candidates.

The real reason you and your clown candidates keep whining about the mainstream media bias is this is your standard operating procedure of preemptive blows against reality. You know we’re going to laugh. So you try to explain it away as bias and make the media bow down to you out of guilt for their “pretentious” expectations that you might actually think this country worthy of running someone with a reasonable IQ who knows history and isn’t a crook.

I laugh because you all are so sick, so cruel, so reprehensibly pushing for a civil war, so personally destructive to the people you pick out as enemies, so disrespectful of a sitting president, so racist, so bigoted, so sexist, so morally repugnant, so ethically devoid and such a poison imposed on this country that I love, that I have no choice but to laugh.

Because you see, Neil, even though I wept when George W Bush invaded a sovereign nation without a UN resolution, I prayed that he was right to do so. And even though I wept when he allowed Katrina to turn into an international humanitarian crisis in one of the richest nations in the world, I never said a bad word about his wife, his children, or impugned his patriotism. He was my president, even though I didn’t vote for him and didn’t agree with him and ended up being rather ashamed of him. However, he earned that the hard way through his deeds, not his political ideology.

Yes, I protested the war and yes, I spoke out against the utter horror of Katrina. That was my right as an American. But I never waved a Nazi flag over Bush’s face, even though his presidency was deemed an imperial one by constitutional scholars and the conservative Supreme Court even knocked down many of his power grabs. What excuse do you have for the way you’ve treated this nation, this president, during an economic crisis so huge that your own president demanded the taxpayers bail out his buddies and may I remind you, two wars started by your president?

And why is it that you had a president, but you do not now?

We laugh because you are a bunch of inbred via epistemic closure clowns hell bent on destroying this country. We laugh because the horror show you put on every day repulses us, offends us, and disgusts us. We laugh because it is our way of shunning you. Laughter is all we have, because you see, Neil, we don’t call for second amendment remedies even against those who appear bent on sedition. Instead, we defend your American right to make fools of yourselves and spew hate. We reserve the right to laugh at you, however, when you do.

You call that elitism, we call it patriotism.

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