Coming Soon to a Bedroom Near You: GOP Sperm Troopers

Feb 24 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

Bobby Franklin, Republican Sperm Trooper

The Sperm Police Coming Soon to Your Bed Courtesy of the Small Government Republicans

Republican Georgia State Representative Bobby Franklin has introduced a bill that would criminalize miscarriages, on top of making abortion punishable by death. Naturally, because he’s pro-life, any miscarriage that a woman can’t prove had no human intervention will subject the woman to possible death sentence. This leaves the door open for a corresponding Ode to Big Brother Bill in which Bobby and his buddies will also police that other source of baby making, sperm. In this scenario, any abandoned sperm will have to be answered for.

In case you missed it, this “family man” is the same “Christian” who was trying to ram a bill through that defends rapists by redefining rape. It’s safe to say Bobby has issues with women and a wise person would demand to see Bobby’s psych records, his medical records and all police records. Just sayin’. Oh, and someone should really interview his wife and children. Someone from social services.

Back to the Bobby world, the Sperm Troopers — since we have resources for Uterus Police certainly we have the resources for the Sperm Troopers — will make random sweeps of the city searching for abandoned sperm; aka, a possible baby. Somehow Bobby will find money for the Uterine Police. It’s all part of his “small government” budget plan. Just have faith ‘cuz ya’ know, Bobby does. He speaks for “God”, like all malignant narcissists.

Imagine Bobby and his band of small government perverts knocking on your door in a random Sperm Troopers’ sweep. As they storm through your house, they make a beeline for the bed. An armed Trooper blacklights your bed and then barks, “Does this abandoned sperm on your sheet belong to you? You do realize this is reckless ejaculation. “

You cringe knowing that when they test it, it will lead straight to your death sentence.

“That could be a baby, sir. You are denying life and as such are subject you the death sentence, the same as your sisters who have reckless miscarriages that may or may not have been an attempt at abortion.”

Just take comfort in the notion that at least you won’t have to undergo intrusive medial procedures so Bobby can get his rocks off invading your body. “Open up, It’s the Uterus Police! Big government is here, honey! We’re here to help. Spread your legs for State Senator Bobby.”

Here to help indeed. And here we thought conservatives were against big government. Not so much apparently.

The entire principle behind Bobby’s bill is that the government has a place regulating our bodies. If they can do it to women, why would they stop there? Why is it that what a woman does with her body will be punished but a man’s potential contribution to pregnancy will be let off scot-free. It just so happens that the half who will be let off scot-free here are the same gender as the folks writing the bills. While they don’t seem to get how this could be turned around on them, perhaps some wiser men out there will. Precedent under the law isn’t gender specific.

If it’s illegal to have an abortion and even miscarriages will be investigated, then what’s to stop an investigation into reckless sperm ejaculation? Nothing. The Catholics have, after all, already decreed that male masturbation is a sin because ejaculate is supposed to be for procreation only.

If the male fundies want to stand for “life” then they best be prepared to apply the law equally. Oh, and Bobby, you have no right coming anywhere near any woman’s body with your Uterine Police and you have no right to invade anyone’s body due to your illogical belief system which is obviously not really about babies or you’d have a similar law for men. This is about controlling women and nothing more.

You are a very sick man, but I suspect I’m not the first person to suggest that to you. You need to be in jail or a mental hospital: You are a danger to women. I feel very sorry for your family. You, sir, are not an honorable man and I suspect your mama would be ashamed of you.

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