In the Name of The Mother: Palinbots Rig DWTS for Bristol Palin

Nov 12 2010 Published by under Featured News, Issues, Republican Party

I wanna win something and I don't care what it takes!

You thought it was just “Dancing With The Stars”, but it turns out in the frozen tundra of Sarah Palin’s mind, it’s actually a 2008 Redo for the “Country” Vote wherein Palin is our President if Bristol wins. To this end, Conservatives 4 Palin is hosting a vote-a-thon desperate fest with hints and clues about how to cheat the vote, because nothing says American like robbing others of their place just so you can prove that your Chosen One is the most beloved, even if you have to steal, cheat and lie to make it so! Gosh, this is what they mean by exceptionalism, people. Read it and weep from the glory!


“Sarah is determined make Bristol the winner of the show. Whatever it takes,” an insider tells me. “She’s become obsessed with it, as if it were the election all over again, except this time a Palin will be the winner.”

The former governor’s determination is no secret and has caught the attention of many politically-minded sites, including ‘The Daily Beast’, which wondered this week if a vast right-wing conspiracy is underway to make sure Bristol stays put. The site points out that conservative activist and Palin supporter Tammy Bruce tweeted, “Operation Bristol waltzes in tonight! As #DWTS starts vote at Tweeps pls tweet phone info, will RT.”

“Sarah is making it very clear that she wants Bristol to win,” a show insider tells me, adding that Palin is tickled by the idea of taking votes away from the more “Hollywood liberal types” on the show.””

Because all of life’s a stage, this equivalency between the Vice Presidency or runner up on “Dancing With the Stars” is understandable and reasonable. Either one will do so long as certain people get a win and those evil liberals are put in their place. Hey, when you have the emotional make up of a teenage girl, this makes super sense! But perhaps ‘PopEater’ and ‘The Daily Beast’ are just paranoid. We’d best check it out ourselves. I mean, Mama Grizzly wouldn’t want to win by cheating, would she? And surely, she who is divinely ordained by God to be President wouldn’t actually hate half of America so badly that she’d preen with pleasure at the thought of beating anyone who represents that half of America on a silly reality TV show. No?

To that end, we wander over to fertile Palin worshiping country, Conservative’s 4 Palin. The site of Real Americans who show support for fiscal conservatism and small government naturally by cheating the votes in favor of Sarah’s daughter Bristol.

“Vote for Bristol! By Ian Lazaran

The number to call or text (AT&T customers only) your vote for them is 800-868-3407. You can also vote online by going here. You get to vote several times, several different ways. Use all your options for Bristol. Voting began when the show started at 8 p.m. Eastern. You have until 30 minutes after DWTS ends to vote via phone and text. However, you may vote online until 11 a.m. Eastern the next day.”

And now we take a brief foray through the comment section (Names were changed to protect the guilty):

Jennifer is a drama queen, wants the sympathy vote!

(Jennifer Grey has become the Evil One who Must Be Shut Down)

don’t we just get 5 votes?
i called my 5 already

(Technically, I think it’s one per person but who am I to quibble with fanatacism)

Yes. But, if you have more than one phone, please call it! Or go online and create as many accounts as you can to vote!

how many cell phones do you have?? do not forget land lines!!! Vote!! Vote like its 1773!!

The judges are so full of shi…take mushrooms!

Every week they say, “Bristol was judged lowest last week” (hint hint – she isn’t very good – hint hint).

Of course we know that meme. We see it from the snob (self described “elite”) ruling class every day, but we in the country class know what we can do about it, so we vote for the hero of the country class, who wins, while the snob class goes nuts.

(That “snob class” would be you, because you are reading. I don’t know how you’re going to live this down. Those ratings from the judges are actually not a conspiracy but a pretty accurate reflection of Bristol’s talents, or lack thereof in the dance department. In terms of nuts, though, I think C4P has that all sewn up.)

Yup. She was there. The best part was when they went to Alaska and did the dance in front of Sarah and Todd. Sarah was like…’lap dance type scandlous?’ (sic) and her dad was like ‘I’m outta here’. Too funny.

(Yes, that’s so…family values. I remember my mom teasing me about lap dances when I was 20…or not….)

Bristol will get America to start hating her if she get pass tomorrow.I hope she leaves so we can say tried very hard.I thought her first dance was great,but her second was not.

(Oops, a traitor in the midst; this type of dissent is not normally tolerated at C4P, but perhaps after their last outing for being a tad Fascist with the comment scrubbing, they’re trying to lighten up)

scat – Where ya been? Looked for you on election night, guess you only come around when you think there’s gloom and doom.

(Nope, guess not)

Also, I think if the judges are being unfair then they are actually making it more sure that BP stays on the show. Nothing fires people up like seeing her dance well and not being scored like other dancers are scored, they decide to vote to off set this injustice.

(Yes, that’s what’s happening….)

I agree.


Apparently…there is a couchcheatcouch to keep voting online. coughclearhistoryorusedifferentbrowsercough I don’t know if that’s fair….

(Clear your history or use a different browser, hint hint but you didn’t hear it here!)

voted 15 times

(Wi wins for Most American)

Sure this seems wrong, and given the fact that any unflattering things written about Palin are scrubbed almost as quickly as her Facebook page, we can safely assume this level of behavior and discourse is condoned and appreciated by the “Guv”. Slightly disturbing to those of us who graduated from the 8th grade a while ago….

But for a moment, let’s imagine liberals doing the same thing for their chosen one. Would their chosen one be winning in spite of an utter lack of talent? Of course not! We’re so much better than that. Hamstrung by the lack of ethics in said behavior, liberals would spiral down until they not only weren’t supporting their candidate’s kid but were at war with one another and so depleted their own morale that no one wanted to even bother voting anymore.

“Everyone vote for Hillary’s kid on Dancing with the Stars! Call in, text, and vote online!”

A: Vote for Hillary’s kid because she rocks!
B: Don’t tell me what to do. She voted against Nigerian rocks for Albinos, you heartless scum!
C: You shouldn’t cheat.
D: Done!
E: I don’t think it’s ethical to rig a vote. Shouldn’t she win on her own merits? The other dancer was better than her.
F: She sucked. Be honest. She can’t dance.
G: You’ve always hated her! I remember you from the primaries!

A: Stop fighting and vote!
B: Fuck off.
C: that wasn’t nice.
D: It doesn’t look like she’s going to win.
E: Now that I think about it, what’s she ever done for me?
F: Wow, you clowns are just like the Fox News morons sucking up to the man. Get a life.
G: You are BIASED against her because you always wanted HIM to win. You’ve been ruining these boards ever since the primaries with your bitterness!

A: She’s winning.
B: Fuck off again. I could care less what you think. Free the trees.
C: I love trees too but why can’t you all support her? She’s trying really hard and I studied dance for ten years, so I can say honestly that she’s pretty good. and the Algerian rocks were actually quite cruel to the Post-Modern Heathens, so I can’t understand how you get off supporting them. What’s wrong with you? BIGOT.
D: What are you smoking, A? She’s losing. She’s a right wing tool anyway. Why can’t we get a real Democrat?
E: Sheeple.
F: The primaries were over a long time ago, you subliterate freeper. Stop trolling.
G. At least I’m not a Hillary cheerleader.

A: Please vote!
B: Fuck you all. And hey, moron, that’s Nigerian, not Algerian. Do not call me a bigot, you Hillarybot. BTW, your grammar makes my cat cry.
C: She just lost. She deserved it I guess.
D: Typical. She wasn’t that talented. She missed a beat earlier.
E: As if I cared. Corporate whores.
F: Pizza for the troll, moderators. Ding dong.
G. Not everyone who disagrees with you is a troll. Grow up. We have free speech.

A: Did any of you vote?
B: Why bother? I’m not voting until the Nigerian rocks can vote.
C: You should vote. It matters. It’s our job. It’s our right. Lots of people would have loved to be able to vote and here you are throwing it away!
D: I refuse to lower myself to vote for the lessor of two evils.
E: You are all morons.
F: I don’t know why these trolls get to run the world.
G. No, I didn’t vote. Until the Dems get their act together I refuse to vote for them! She sold out on day one, so why should I support her stupid rich kid sucking off the Koch brothers to sell us crap we don’t need? Stop the selling of our country! Sit out the vote!

A: We should start over.
B: C: D: E: F: and G: Finally, something we can all agree on. Let’s scrap any successes and start over until it’s perfect.

Hillary’s kid loses, even though she’s a good dancer. No one is too upset because they are too busy fighting among themselves about who is the bigger cheerleader and who is the bigger whore, leaving a nice wide open path for the angry pit bull mama grizzly animal cunning person-esque to shoot us all from a helicopter.

So there you have it. Bristol is being rigged in as winner because if she can win, then by proxy, Palin gets the White House and it pleases her to keep those “liberal elites” from winning anything! Also, too, the non-elites love takin’ orders from the queen of down home-isms, even from her jet, because you know, that jet runs on heart! Go, Bristol!! She deserves to win because God loves her mommy best and yet God keeps getting it wrong. Get it right, God! Or else!!

Our democracy is in great hands. Rest easy. Welcome Madame President! Oh, and psst, anyone want to tell Palin what it is exactly that the President does? She’s not real clear on that, seein’ as she’s been focused on Alaska, I mean her family, I mean money (yeah!) for the last two years. As if it matters….LOL. She’ll wingudiate it.

48 responses so far