Family Values Christian Republican Compares the Hungry to Stray Animals

Jan 24 2010 Published by under Republican Party

Republican Lt Gov Andre Bauer (SC) Compares Poor People to Stray Animals

Good morning, my down and out liberals. Last week sucked. Yada yada, let’s not dwell on it. You know why? Because if we don’t get our act together, people like Bauer, Lt Gov of South Carolina, will be running this country again.

In case you’ve been too busy nursing your Teddy Seat wounds to keep up, Lt Gov Andre Bauer is running for his current boss’ (Gov Mark Sanford, R/Clown) seat in South Carolina. Yes, of the Argentinean Trail drama. You know, the one whom God anointed and forgave so we should too? Oh, gosh, what ever happened with that? Surely the Family Values Goppers kicked Markie boy to the curb? Eh? Eh?

Er, well, they kinda let him stay there. Because you know, their alternatives weren’t so great. Sure, he violated the ethics laws, but don’t all Republican governors do that? He cheated the tax payers and sought to deprive them of stimulus money at the same time; He’s your basic Reverse Robin Hood Republican. But wait till you hear this! The Republicans couldn’t kick him out because then his Lt Gov Andre would step up and there are rumors that Andre may not be a straight shooter! (Gasp!)

Naturally, these rumors are said to have come from his Republican boss and now nemesis. That’s how Republicans roll. Nothing better than a whisper smear campaign, eh boys? At any rate, they can’t have a Governor who may or may not be gay. Just imagine the damage to families everywhere! Much better to let Sanford lead the way with his Impeccable Family Values on the Argentinean Trail.

So old Andre is pullin’ a Palin and goin’ rogue! He’s running for Governor. Opening his mouth, as Goppers are want to do, and spewing a bunch of revealing, disastrous bile he must later walk back whilst simultaneously explaining how it’s horrid when the government helps poor people. But of course, he is entitled to government cheese because he’s white and privileged. In other words, your basic modern day Republican.

What could old Andre have said to so inflame? Oh, he just compared people needing government assistant to stray animals. Isn’t that what all Christians do? You can’t doubt this guy’s Jesus cred; he’s the one who brought the “I believe” license plates to South Carolina. With the big cross on them? Oh, you testy liberals; so worried about separation of church and state! The license plates can be seen all over SC. Parking in front of homes with the effigy of our great president in the lawn, just as an example. I ain’t pointin’ any fingers. . But no worries, a court recently tossed them out:

“The “I Believe” Act had its genesis in Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer’s desire to do here what had been unsuccessful in the state of Florida–to gain legislative approval of a specialty plate promoting the majority religion: Christianity. Whether motivated by sincerely held Christian beliefs or an effort to purchase political capital with religious coin, the result is the same. The statute is clearly unconstitutional and defense of its implementation has embroiled the state in unnecessary (and expensive) litigation.”


Well, heck. A wee bit of hypocrisy in the morning with a dash of violatin’ the constitution—the Republican’s Breakfast of Champions! What makes Bauer stand out? His “reckless” driving record or “aggressive manner” with police? Naw. Them’s just the bennies of being in law enforcement, my law-minded liberals. Loosen up.

Put on your rain coats, my friends, because this may make you a bit ill:

“Bauer, who is running for the Republican nomination for governor, made his remarks during a town hall meeting in Fountain Inn that included state lawmakers and about 115 residents.

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better,” Bauer said…

And, Bauer said, it is time to confront “babies having babies. Somebody’s got to talk about. Politicians don’t want to talk about it anymore because it’s politically incorrect…

“They can continue to have more and more kids, and the reward is there’s more and more money in it for them.””

It seems he was at least partially referring to hungry children in his state, as South Carolina has over 58% of children on the free and reduced fee school lunch program. So, a bit of a ruckus was kicked up, but I hear tell Andre’s stickin’ to his guns on this one.

While the issue of how to best handle poverty is a legitimate debate, finger pointing hypocrisy coupled with incomprehensibly rude comparisons is not a great opener to solving any problems. Furthermore, blaming the victim, especially in the midst of the worst financial crisis this country has faced since the Great Depression, is more than tone deaf. Once again, it seems Republicans don’t want to govern. They want to run for office and play political games. And while they’re avoiding real issues and solutions, they let us know who they really are:

Gosh, Andre, who are the “they” you keep referring to who don’t know any better and will just keep breedin’ iffin we feeden them? Are these the same “they” whom ex-Governor Ethics Violations Sarah Palin was just admonishing on her Facebook Page on Martin Luther King day? You know, a reminder as to how racism is bad, but “they” better learn to not live off the government and to take care of their own?

I’m just wondering who “they” are, Andre. Because every time I see anyone getting a “welfare” check, AKA PAYCHECK from the government in your neck of the woods, BOY, they’re white, rich, and have great healthcare.

I wonder if Lt Gov Bauer will also be having the talk with aborted mid-term ex-Gov Ethics Violations Palin about “babies having babies”? Or is that just for “them” people, Andre? So, by “family values” and “stand up on your own two feet” smug self-righteousness, what they really mean is if you’re white, you’re right.

Got it.

Next time you want to lecture people about getting off the government teat, Bauer, you might want to remember what MY grandfather told me:

“Republicans are criminals. They only care about themselves. You can’t trust Republicans, baby. Never, ever vote Republican.”

Which is sort of like being compared to a stray animal, Andre, only it’s accurate and legitimate.

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