The GOP Runs Out of Ammo in Healthcare War

Aug 28 2009 Published by under Featured News, Republican Party, U.S. Senate

This week in politics brought us irony so thick you can cut it with a knife, as the Republicans waged war against the American people’s right to healthcare, using their standby shock and awe campaign.

Shock and awe is a military doctrine consisting of rapid dominance: “impose this overwhelming level of Shock and Awe against an adversary on an immediate or sufficiently timely basis to paralyze its will to carry on . . . [to] seize control of the environment and paralyze or so overload an adversary’s perceptions and understanding of events that the enemy would be incapable of resistance at the tactical and strategic levels.”

In what an only be described a Republican Gag Gift, suddenly (as in, after the AARP poll that revealed that 80% of Americans support the public option) Republicans started declaring they’re “working to get you healthcare”. Poor “conservative” McCain (an eager recipient of many -gasp!- government programs; VA, disability, Social Security, and his Senator’s plan) was forced to proclaim that he was trying to get healthcare for his constituents, after a rather noisy member of his town hall meeting demanded to know why he didn’t have the health insurance McCain had…Oops.

Those people! Thinking they deserve what the privileged have! Don’t you know, Person, that Republicans are “entitled” from God himself? To be fair, we all know how hard the Republicans have been working to pass healthcare. I remember the good old days of Bush begging his Republican majority in congress to just pass healthcare for the people, and not to worry about how we’d pay for it, because we could always leave it off the budget! Oh, my bad — That was the Iraq invasion.

The real problem for them is that they don’t want us to have healthcare just yet; “What’s the rush?” they ask in their slow, drawl from their privileged perch of full coverage. It ain’t like people are dyin’! Har har. I mean, they’re fiscal conservatives so you gotta respect that they need to see how the money’s gonna be spent. You know how fiscal conservatives get when the money goes to anyone but them; a wee bit miserly.

And really, government is incompetent so it shouldn’t be in charge at all. Haven’t they been busy proving this to us for the last 8 years? What about Katrina did we
libertards fail to grasp? Why won’t we trust their buddies who looted our retirement funds last fall with our health?

Privatize everything! Social Security, Medicare, Medicare, and the VA! I call this unique and special idea the Bernie Madoff/Republican Healthcare Plan. It’s a reasonable counter to ObamaCare, which is going to kill everyone on day one. At least with the Madoff Republican plan, you get to see their buddies get even richer off your death before you go. And who can say no to that kind of fun? Gag Gift, or the Next Great Idea?

Shock and awe can also be done through a party’s “leaders”/unregulated TV/radio personalities. For instance, in the chaotic and crazy world of a dry drunk exercising his right to free speech without rebuttal, all you have to do is throw in a lotta scary scenarios and ramp up the hysteria to distract the people and you can do anything you want! Hey, it worked for Bush and they say he’s still off the booze.

Yes, the Republicans razzle-dazzled us this week with Fox TV “host” and dry drunk Glenn Beck (Morman racist from a white supremacist background, but he was also a clown, so that makes it all ok) assuring us that he used to be a big old mean dirt bag, but he’s sober now, so we should really stop forcing his advertisers to watch his show, because they don’t like what they see.

Apparently, 46 of his sponsors regret being associated with a racist seditionist and have back-pedaled their way out of his show as fast as you can say, “but did you know that he called for an armed uprising against the government when you were advertising with him last month?” Beck is, as you may have surmised, against any kind of healthcare for us. He has union insurance, so it’s all the same to him, but he would hate to see us all owned by the government!

Then their party leader, Rush Limbaugh, stepped up the shock and awe by shrieking about Obama wanting his penis or foreskin or something. I’m scared. I just don’t like it when Rush discusses his foreskin. Is he trying to get out of serving in the military again? So, basically, Rush’s meme is that the government is coming for your penis in the guise of healthcare for all. This wasn’t desperation in play, because if you imagine ten thousands scenarios, you might finally find a connection here between healthcare and Rush’s foreskin. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Some Republican Gubernatorial hopeful in Idaho felt so threatened by Obamacare that he declared he wanted a tag to hunt Obama. Now, that was on message and more to the point, a great way to debate healthcare. A splash of shock, a drop of awe. Gets ‘em every time. Hunt the President? Well, if Republicans say to do so, it must be a really bad healthcare plan! Johnny, get your gun!

And lastly, they let Crazy Eyes Bachmann out! She was actually going all Pro-Choice on us and insisting that the Obama government stay outta her body! Was she, too, worried about the evil government coming for her foreskin? No, Michelle is just terrified that the Marxist ObamaCare doctors would tell her what she could and could not do with her body.

I can’t relate at all, Michelle. Really. I so trust you when you try to tell me what I can and can not do with my body—after all, God tells you what’s right and wrong, whereas I am just a lowly non-pro-American, whose uterus belongs to you. Surely the fears of Obama’s Death Panels and Browncoats telling Michelle what she can do with herself is enough to stop this “debate!” Shock and awe! Are you shocked yet????

What’s shocking is that The Royal Republicans haven’t come up with another game yet. Terror, shock and awe? Is that all you got? Looks like they blew their wad in August. thought they would’ve learned during their fun/abuse with terror alert levels that terror only works in short bursts. It’s only the end of August, and they’ve already resorted to hunting the President.

One can only imagine what treats September will bring.

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