Palin’s Lawyer Threatens Kindergarten Teacher

Aug 03 2009 Published by under Featured News, Republican Party

It was a rough weekend for Sarah Palin. After quitting the Simi Valley Republicans via Facebook on Friday – a move roundly condemned as a wee bit Wasilla Hillbilly, on Saturday Palin released another “press release” via her Facebook Page. This one announced that she and Todd are not about to get a divorce (yes, I’m leaving out all of the usual denouncements of evil media which accompanied said “press release”—I figure you can just fill in the blanks: Republican speaking =Whine about media.). Silence as we struggle to determine what in the heck she’s talking about…

Aside from the very middle-school vibe of updating one’s relationship status via Facebook, calling it a press release while simultaneously claiming you are now a private citizen is just bizarre. This becomes relevant when being spewed upon by her followers, who assure you that now that she is a private citizen, she can sue all of us at any time and we’d better watch out!

Why so angry, Sarah? It seems Alaskan blogs The Immoral Minority and the Alaska Report (which first reported on both Palin running for Gov and Palin chosen as the Republican VP candidate) broke a story Saturday morning that the Palins’ marriage was in “spitsville” due to affairs on “both sides”. The Alaska Report story referenced the National Enquirer’s story on Palin’s alleged affair with her husband’s business partner.

Sure, National Enquirer. The rag. Tabloid, almost as bad as Fox News, though I’m not sure that NE has ever sued for the right to lie and call it news, whereas Fox News has. And the NE did break the Edward’s affair, and they have sworn affidavits regarding the Palin affair. Affidavits! More evil liberal elites! Didn’t Sarah warn you: “in the name of the troops, to stop makin’ things up!” And doesn’t that now seem now like an wily preemptive strike, since at that time, no one could point out one thing that the media had ever made up about her?

Of course, no one had heard the “story” about her impending divorce unless they were in Alaska because…no one reported it in MSM. Indeed, the first the majority of the Lower 48 got whiff of it was…on Sarah Palin’s FB page, leaving most of scratching our heads in dismay. “Sarah Palin, what now?” We wondered queasily as the first signs of Palin Over Exposure set in.

Lest you think this zest for threats is new, Palin’s love for using the law as a weapon was evident even on the trail! The McCain Palin campaign threatened to sue the NE for the aforementioned story of Sarah Palin’s affair with her husband’s business partner. Remember when Hannity accused the media of covering-up for Edwards because they weren’t covering the National Enquirer story and taking it seriously? Whoa, Nelly. I am seriously choking on a hypocrisy hairball. Excuse me…

At any rate, no lawsuit was ever forthcoming. Cough cough. Maybe ‘cuz it’s not slander if it’s true? Look away! Where’s Obama’s birth certificate?

Her love for the threat didn’t end after she lost the election! Oh, no, it grew, and that’s how you know it’s true love. For example, just weeks ago, Alaskan blogger and radio host Shannyn Moore mentioned that there was a rumor that Palin was being investigated by the “feds”. It seems Alaskan officials are constantly being investigated by the feds, so this rumor has some credence just by Palin’s own associations; e.g., Palin’s mentor, Ted Stevens, whose own corruption trial involved the very same builder as in Palin’s Housegate rumor (pallin’ around indeed). The Feds are all over Alaska and Palin’s crowd…but nothin’ to see here! Cough cough.

In a fit of pourage, the Palin camp slammed back that the Alaska office of the “FBI” denied they are investigating her and Palin is going to SUE Shannyn for suggesting such a thing! Lietters are drafted. Etc. Seemed a bit Rovian the way they denied the “FBI” part and defamed Shannyn by claiming she had said this was “fact” when indeed, the interwebs proved Shannyn used the word “Rumor”. Wait, is it Rovian, or do you suppose that Sarah Palin is unaware that there are more federal agencies than just the FBI? I hadn’t considered that until just now.

We should always strive to be fair, and this is the woman who said she wanted to be President so the “Department of Law” would protect her (and dole out Palin’s now legendary “backlash; aka, her drug of choice). Also, too, there are Palin’s constant warnings to her cult about the evil “Feds” ; you know, those folks she took money from at the rate of 1.80 for every 1.00 Alaska puts in? Ah, well. When it comes to determining what Palin knows and doesn’t know, I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she knows nothing.

So, she is unaware that there are many other federal agencies, which may or may not be investigating her. Though surely she understands, given the many problems with her general griftiness (the car, the per diem, the family travel, the unreported gifts, the clothes, the ATF, etc) – that it’s reasonable to consider that the IRS (a federal agency!) might be checking her returns. I mean, she had all of those “amendments” to her returns last year. Or as the conservatives like to call it, “fraud” (Oh, that’s only when it’s Daschle. Cough cough). Of course, she may let out a few well-placed winks and avoid any serious inquiry, but one should never rely upon winks alone.

What to do in a democracy when you are a “star” (as her followers refer to her) and people say things about you that you don’t like? Pull a Britney and cut off all of your hair? Call the Dept of Law and demand “backlash”? Cut off their heads and hang them in the town square for all to see and learn what happens to those who cross the Snow Queen? Yes! Er, well, except she’s no longer the Queen.

And in her cult’s mind, this means she can now sue anyone she wants! No more pesky restraints for the Queen. Take that, evil blogger one and two! So, indeed, her attorney drafted two threatening tomes and delivered them to the offenders yesterday via email (not even real service? This is sort of like a Facebook Press Release. What is it with conservatives and technology?):

Her lawyer shakes his fist at Gryphen of The Immoral Minority blog, threatening that if Gryphen does not take down his blog report by 3 PM, he will be served papers at the kindergarten where he works! Yes, because there are no innocent children in this story! The needs of the Bitter Quitter Queen must be served first. Children last, said the Mama Bear, rising up on her…Oh, god. I’m being haunted by Palin’s bwitters (bitter twitters). Cougity cough cough.

I’m sure you’re picturing the scared blogger quickly deleting his post and scampering to hide from Sarah’s lawyer…Certainly the Palin Cult were salivating, posting all over the internet about the wrath of God coming down upon those who dared write anything about the Queen, visions of lawsuits dancing in their heads. And they didn’t stop there! No, aided by the fellow (coincidentally named McCain) who co-wrote a book with the woman who is ghost-writing Palin’s upcoming Money Maker, Palin’s cult outted the anonymous blogger, posed all of his private info on the internet and organized (sorta like Community Organizing, only it’s for the bad and not for the good, which makes it OK) an email campaign against him to get him fired, because evil people like him can’t be trusted around “our kids”.

I can only hope they expressed themselves better than they did in that horrid Fire David Letterman Rally. Reading their angry, vitriolic, incoherent emails is a chore I don’t wish upon my worst enemy. Of course, Sarah never renounced these activities, but then, she never renounced the “kill him!” terrorists in her crowds, either, so don’t hold your breath. After all, Sarah Palin considers threats, intimidation and getting the blogger fired an appropriate response to a blogger expressing his first Amendment rights…Those same rights she says the troops are fighting for – -oh, those are HER First amendment rights, to not be criticized by anyone. I keep forgetting. Oh, heck, this cough is really gettin’ me down.

Neither AR nor IM were served Saturday. 3 PM came and went. And Sunday. And the bloggers stood by their sources and left their stories posted. Sure, maybe Palin’s lawyer is waiting for kindergarten to commence so he can really inflict some psychological damage (fear your leaders!), but tick tock, guys. Tick tock.

If she sues, she will be deposed. Just sayin’.

So now bloggers in Alaska are “journalists” and also the “media”! Good news for them. By having Meg Stapleton (“The world is literally (sic) her (Sarah Palin’s) oyster” ) repeat the bloggers’ charges on Facebook, Palin effectively guaranteed coverage from the mainstream media that otherwise would not report claims attributed to unnamed sources on an anonymous blog. But, we all know that Sarah needs to raise money and her base loves it when she fights the “elites”, so give her a break.

It’s pure Rove 2001, and you gotta give the girl credit. She only raised 1 million dollars over the past year, whereas corrupt Newt Gingrich (he’s still around?? OMG, this Clown Show has gone on long enough) has raised millions more than her. It’s just not fair, and it kinda burns a girl up, especially after she “borrowed” his speech and forgot to give him credit for it. Revenge is called for, so donate to Sarah’s Trust Fund NOW! cough. cough. cough.

Well, Sarah’s problems didn’t stop on Saturday! On Sunday –God’s Day and also,now, the day of the NRA — Juan Cole compared Sarah Palin to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in his article. Juan is an expert on Middle Eastern affairs, so he ought to know, but I’m sure this didn’t sit well with Real American’s Sweetheart. I shudder to think of the bitter twitters Juan will be subjected to now. Take cover, Juan! Also, too, your name is kinda scary. Just sayin’.

She did end her weekend on a high note, attending some sort of NRA function, where she could mingle with her own and we all know how much Sarah loves her guns and killin’ moose. Her “We eat, therefore we hunt!” is going down as one of the most inspiring bits of a speech ever given by an American politician. Sigh.

What’s the difference between a kindergarten teacher and a governor who quits mid-term?

One has actual responsibilities!

Finally cleared that hairball, thank goodness.

Edited Monday 2:53: I enjoy all of your comments, but please note that comments which include personal information of someone other than yourself will be deleted.

36 responses so far