Obama Rocks the Stock Market

Jul 31 2009 Published by under White House

Remember earlier this year when President Obama took office and suddenly the stock market plunge of October, 2008 was his fault? Each little or large market dip; a trust-worthy reflection of the job performance of our new POTUS? Sure, we can judge him on Jan 21, 2009 as a bad President, just look at the stock market!

Frankly, for years now, I’ve been using the stock market this way. It was made perfectly clear to me that the free market “corrects” itself (and then it’s not so free, but socialism for corporations is not nearly as ugly as socialism for people), it’s all about supply and demand, and it needs no oversight! Free market baby! I’d suggest that you can also use it to judge your relationships and other ostensibly (wink, wink) non-related things, but more on that later. Anyway, man, does that free market hate the new, possibly non-real President.

Except, now the market has gone up 1200 points (15%) from January 09 and the GDP contraction rate has slowed dramatically (from 6.4 to 1.5) and it turns out that the recession inflicted even more damage on the economy in 2008. The economy grew just 0.4 percent in 2008.

Wait, wasn’t Bush in office then? This can’t be! The market loved Bush! Republicans stand for capitalism and all things Americana, and if any of you nasty dwellers on the past want to bring up October of 2008 again, well, forget it, because Obama shouldn’t blame everything on Bush!

Is it Bush’s fault that FEMA failed? Huh???.…Oh, really? Well… You should take a cue from Megan McCain and start looking forward. All of that backward stuff is just confusing and anyway, who can tell who’s to blame for anything? You know? So, totally. 911! God loves the troops! Where is your flag pin, anyway?

Now, see, with Clinton, we knew it was his fault (Clenis, Clenis, Clenis, save us from the menace!!! Distraction, shame, distraction!!). He committed the Great Sin. Pause to allow impact of inference to sink in: All Democrats/liberals are sinners who have no moral compass, so they should not be allowed to speak regarding policy. The thinking here is clear; If you are vulgar enough to cheat on your wife, your entire party is worthless, lacking in all integrity and moral fiber!

Granted, the Great Sin, now that it’s been done often, by many – especially Christian Republicans- isn’t looking so bad. Turns out, you can even use tax-payer money to fund such indiscretions and no one will talk of impeaching you! That’s progress, see? Look forward, I tell you. Forward.

Anyway, the stock market is up 1200 points, and I just wanted to point out that while the stock market plunging is an accurate assessment of President Obama, the stock market rebounding and climbing with great optimism toward it’s own Cash for Clunkers program in the sky is NOT an accurate indication of how Obama is doing.

Any moron can get the stock market to go up. Just ask George W. Bush! That’s why they call it a “free market”? See? You unfetter it, untie it, let it soar with no oversight and no regulation and it just grows like a magical beanstalk!!!!

It’s getting it to plunge to sickening, some might say suicide-inducing, depths at the verrrry end of your last term in office that shows you are the Master of the Universe, the Great Decider, and a Good Leader. When the DOW is playing with Dr Death, you know you’re good. Psst…..Also, because you and your friends got your money out before the Great Plunge of W. This nation of “whiners” (God, I love Phil Gramm! I wish McCain had won and Phil was leading us through this great financial darkness!) needs to grow up! Get some insider info, er, I mean, plan wisely (I kid, I kid. It’s just some people sayin’), and you’d be rich, too!! And while we’re at it, Karl Rove is innocent. He only had a little involvement in that whole DOJ firing scandal. Just a little, and a little is not the same as guilty. Just ask any three year old. Sheesh. Silly Democracy freaks! What next?

So, now you know the truth. Don’t let anyone tell you things might be getting better or that Obama might be doing something right. He’s not, and I can prove it.

Later. With the stock market numbers. Cuz they WILL go down again, you can bet on it!

By the way, have you seen his birth certificate? I think that’s the real issue here. That’s what we should be talking about instead of all of this lookin’ back stuff. That and how Obama wants to kill old people with rationing.

Let your gut lead the way. It only fails you every now and again. WMD.

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