Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann Caters to the Birthers…sort of

Jul 28 2009 Published by under Featured News

So, the House was just doing what they do yesterday, in this case voting to approve a resolution to celebrate the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union that just so happened to contain (I love it when the Democrats learn a trick or two from the Republicans—kinda obvious, but keep it up, guys!) language declaring that President Obama was born in the state. Normal business…not so fast, elected officials! You haven’t heard from the Crazy Obstructionists yet!

Yes, they were literally seconds from accomplishing the vote, so they could move to more important things. Things like Republican Thadeus McCotter’s bill to force President Obama to apologize (down on your knees, boy!) — clearly a much better use of their time; Michigan must be so proud — when at the very last second, Republican Rep. Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann tried to be a “good Republican” (oxymoron or just moron?) who would save the birthers by blocking the vote! Go, Michele!!

And then….yes, wait for it….she voted FOR it.

Yeah, that’s why we call her “Crazy Eyes”. With Michele — she of the irrational fear of census-taking — you never know what she’s gonna do next! Remember when she was caught hiding behind bushes to spy on a pro-gay rights rally? If that doesn’t ring a bell, you must remember President Bush’s stalker? No? C’mon…the crazy woman who wouldn’t stop kissing him and staring at him as if he were the second coming (terrifying images from the movie “Jesus Camp” flash before me; thanks, Bachmann, for all that you do)? Yup. That was our girl. Michele Bachmann. Okay, you have to remember the McCarthy-esque accusation she made last fall on national TV where she called for the investigation of those Democratic representatives who were not “pro America”? Yes! That’s her! The inspiration for the Tinklenberg phenom!

And here’s something not a lot of people know: Michelle “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann purposefully had herself photographed vacuuming in high heels. We can forgive a lot of things, Bachmann, but this folly must stop. Immediately! How can the Republicans pretend to be 2nd class glass ceiling breakers when you run around showing off just how last century they are???

In Bachmann’s defense, turns out she is just one of many Republican representatives crazy enough to anger the entire country into donating hundreds of thousands of dollars they don’t have to said crazy person’s Democratic opponent. I’d say Bachmann took the cake last fall, though…with Norm Coleman bringing up the rear this past 8 months.

Oh, I meant that figuratively, not literally. Guess we can’t take that for granted anymore. Those crazy Republicans!

At any rate, this little motion to acknowledge HI was in the works long before the birthers heard their calling from god, the space aliens or the dinosaurs! By the way, does anyone know whom the birthers claim as their leader? My bets are on Boehner, just ‘cuz of his coloring…I’m not against orange people per se, but he’s a suspicious character. I’m just sayin’. Ok, the point is that this bill is no conspiracy to force Republicans to deal with reality. We know that for them, being out of touch is the new black.

It’s cool, really, Republicans! We’re all just watching from the sidelines as you ride the racism wave to victory, and who couldn’t be impressed by the sneaky way y’all accused those of us without health insurance of being cheap ‘cuz we wouldn’t buy Cobra? I mean, talk about being out of touch! Woot woot, that was a riot. Get on your party clothes and let’s go to the Car Hop, Sonny.

It’s heart-warming to watch Crazy Eyes attempt to rescue the birthers whilst also coming off as a worthy elected official; you know, someone semi-rational in whose hands our laws are safe? And someone who also has the BEST HEALTH CARE (I’m not bitter) courtesy of you and me!! But let’s not forget that while the Republicans cater to their Fringe Base of Fundies and Freaks, real Americans (oh, yes, I did! That would be you and me and the other democracy-lovin’ evil doers of rational thought; aka, anyone who is not a Fascist hiding under their bible and flag pin) are dying.

And Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann still plans to headline the “How to Take Back America” event co-hosted by a birther. Way to focus on the real issues, Bachmann!

So take heart. The Republican Crazy is far from over.

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