Not since Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G…
Not since Jay-Z and Naz…
Not since Loon/Jim Jones/Mase…
Not since 50 Cent and P. Diddy…
Not since all of these, have we seen a hip-hop feud this serious, this menacing, this violent.
It is, in “one” word, the MUTHA of all hip-hop feuds. It is off the hook; it is all that AND a bag of chips; it is “Bring It On” meets “You Got Served” meets “Stomp the Yard” with a twist of “Yo Mama’s So Fat…” delivered on the rocks, over hard.
For those of you who missed it, last night, the epic battle finally took place—Stephen Colbert V Michael Steele!!
Yes, Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report” host and the Chairman of the Republican National Committee finally faced off in the long-awaited battle rap for the ages. The action, fast and furious, took place inside the Colbert TV show studio with host Stevie-Steve donning a pin-striped hoodie (to match his stylish suit), and spitting “spontaneous” rhymes into the mic.
And Michael Steele? “Mr. Icy Steele” made an appearance via satellite…okay, via myriad TV news program clippings tediously—yet masterfully—pieced together by Colbert’s staff. I don’t think Steele could have done any better in person.
For those of you who missed it, you can view the entire segment below. And for those of you whose ears aren’t hip-hop trained and can’t follow Stevie-Steve’s def rhymes, lucky for you, I’ve decided to lend my street ear (and street cred) to this task. I’ve actually typed out the lyrics of Stevie-Steve for you.
Hey Mike Steele, gonna steal the mic
with a flow so rich it’ll get a tax hike.
Droppin’ rhymes so fine they’ll make you blush
and be so fat you could call them Rush.
Oh can you see by your mom’s ugly face
we won’t need Scalia to rule on this case.
The chairman is missin’ call Nancy Grace
and crank up the right-wing Republican base!
You better get a voucher ‘cus your rhymes are failin’
Your game’s a dying moose and I’m Sarah Palin!
You’re gonna disappear like the middle class
I’ll take a penny out my loafer, put the rest up yo’ ass!
Yes, the punctuations were optional…very optional.
And if you want Icy Steele’s “da BOMB” lyrics, well, you’re just gonna have to transcribe them yourself. “Master P. Hu” can’t be bothered wid it. I’m needed in the studio where I’m gonna mogul myself up some mo’ cheddah.
For your viewing pleasure:
Who’s next in the hip-hop war? Vader Dick versus O-O-Obama? Keep checking back here so Master P. Hu can holla-holla at you some more and blow dis shiznit up from mah crib.