Darth Vader Endorses John McCain

Nov 01 2008 Published by under Featured News

Wow.

Really?

Some times, a story is just almost too good to be true, too funny to ignore, and just too plain stupid to not pass along to as many people as possible.

Vice President Dick Cheney, otherwise known the world over as Darth Vader, crawled out of his “undisclosed location” of a spider hole today to shoot someone in the face, drink some blood, and slay some children.

Oh, and to lay down a full-throated endorsement of John McCain. Just 72 hours before election day.

In a time when even “Boy Genius” George W. Bush, “Mr. 23% approval rating” is deep in hiding so as to not remind anyone that he’s still around, Darth Vader decides to trot about in plain public view, give a speech to the remaining RetardoCONS, and test drive his “19% approval rating.”

He must have felt the McCain campaign would have greeted him as a liberator.

Well done, sir. Mission Accomplished! You’ve certainly rendered McCain’s chances into its last throes.

Cheney said, “I’m delighted to support John McCain.”

He even decided to offer Sarah Palin the old Cheney rub by adding, “I’m pleased he’s chosen a running mate who is tough and talented.” It figures Cheney, out of everyone, would be able to offer a strong endorsement of Palin with a straight face. After all, he feels he’s qualified to be VP and he has no heart, so clearly Palin, who has no brain, is qualified.

Ok, seriously, who in the blue hell in the McCain campaign okayed this?

Watch Vader suck words through that ventilated mask:

This is the gift that keeps on giving. I don’t think Obama’s campaign could have planned or engineered a better “October surprise” (okay, technically it’s November). Here’s Obama’s response from Colorado:

[E]arlier today, Dick Cheney came out of his undisclosed location and hit the campaign trail. He said that he is, and I quote, “delighted to support John McCain.”

I’d like to congratulate Senator McCain on this endorsement because he really earned it. That endorsement didn’t come easy. Senator McCain had to vote 90 percent of the time with George Bush and Dick Cheney to get it. He served as Washington’s biggest cheerleader for going to war in Iraq, and supports economic policies that are no different from the last eight years. So Senator McCain worked hard to get Dick Cheney’s support.

But here’s my question for you, Colorado: do you think Dick Cheney is delighted to support John McCain because he thinks John McCain’s going to bring change? Do you think John McCain and Dick Cheney have been talking about how to shake things up, and get rid of the lobbyists and the old boys club in Washington?

Colorado, we know better. After all, it was just a few days ago that Senator McCain said that he and President Bush share a “common philosophy.” And we know that when it comes to foreign policy, John McCain and Dick Cheney share a common philosophy that thinks that empty bluster from Washington will fix all of our problems, and a war without end in Iraq is the way to defeat Osama bin Laden and the al Qaeda terrorists who are in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

So George Bush may be in an undisclosed location, but Dick Cheney’s out there on the campaign trail because he’d be delighted to pass the baton to John McCain. He knows that with John McCain you get a twofer: George Bush’s economic policy and Dick Cheney’s foreign policy.”

Ouch.

Oops… sorry. I meant…

OUCH!!!

Seriously, with friends like these, who needs Brutus? I hope Karl Rove comes out on “Meet The Press” tomorrow and endorses McCain. Then, in one of the afternoon Sunday news shows, Alberto Gonzales can add his endorsement. Can we line up Tom DeLay and Larry Craig while we’re at it?

In fact, I can see it now…all of these characters from the Bush camp can come out at the same time, in the same music video and endorse McCain. Picture it: all of them, arms linked, swaying from side to side, singing “WE ARE MCCAIN…” to the tune of “We are the World.”

And at the end, we hear this: We’re Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Jack Abramoff, Doug Feith and Alberto Gonzales, and we approved this message.

Brilliant! Perfect!

Do it!

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